He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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