Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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