Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your cock deserves a montage
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
