At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
