The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
