Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
