I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I see more hoeing in ur future
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize