So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
