i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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