your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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