The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
