4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
