Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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