I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
