His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
