No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
