she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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