If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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