Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
