where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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