I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
