u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
