When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
