I didn't shave. On purpose
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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