bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
