I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
