Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's just like the Real World with babies
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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