This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
