Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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