last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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