You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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