I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
