you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
