so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
