I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
