Please, let me fuck your mom
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Randomize
