That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize