Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
These tits shall not be calmed
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