never play flip cup with pint glasses
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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