you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
