i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
