Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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