I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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