I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
