Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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