dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
