somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
