i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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