Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize