He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
