I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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