it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
