I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize