We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
