all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
