Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was born a porn star she said
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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