oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sarcasm needs its own font
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
