Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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