she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They are going to name an STD after you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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