My nipple is on Facebook.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
