Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
