Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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