im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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