So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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