i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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