She tied me up with her honor cords...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
