party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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