It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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