I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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