you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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