I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
4 words: hood of his car
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize