im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
