He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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