I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
