That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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