Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
