Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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