Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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