just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
