We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
