i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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