i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Randomize
