He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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