matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
