Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
