The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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