I cockslap morals
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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