4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
