I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize