I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
