We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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