I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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