End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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