She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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