Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
