I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
