I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
