i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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