I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
