Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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