No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
