we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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