overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
