Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
